It's a good thing Desperate Housewives beat us all to the punch and pulled out the Christmas decorations last night, because there won't be another new episode until 2007! So I hope you enjoyed it last night because that's it for new 2006 episodes.
Not to worry. Mistletoe, check! Bad Santa, check! Elf in a wheelchair who dies because the neighborhood thought her brother was a pedophile, check! All the staples of the holidays were accounted for, nestled amongst the dusty religious figures in Edie's hilariously labeled box of "Winter Crap." I loved how awesomely, absurdly lavish that block party was.
Last night's drama peaked when Art, Wisteria Lane's creepy swim-coach neighbor, confronted Lynette with what was almost definitely a real confession of his child-molesting predilection. Of course, it's possible Art just wanted to torture Lynette in return for indirectly offing his sister and forcing him to leave, but that'd be a very unwise move on his part. I thought what happened was a reasonable and unexpected wrap-up to a tough subplot. Art's confession was slow and chilling, and his departure will give Lynette some serious emotional baggage to deal with. His thinly veiled threats against "that beautiful family" of Lynette's was so freaky.
Last night we got a glimpse of Orson as a possibly not-so-bad guy when he confided in Bree about his marriage with Alma and his issues with his mother. I loved the combination of Orson's snippets of dialogue and shots of Susan rifling through Orson's "Spare Room" box (conveniently stored right where she was forced to hide in his office). I'd also like to personally thank whoever decided that said box should not topple onto Susan's head, in typical Susan's-physical-comedy-disasters form.
Orson said that he married a pregnant Alma at his mother's urgings but never loved his wife. He didn't tell Bree about his affair with Monique (the first woman he truly loved) because he knew Rex had cheated on Bree and Orson wanted Bree to feel safe with him. Meanwhile, Susan uncovered Orson's eighth-grade report card from a private boys' school and documentation of his institutionalization at age 17, for psychological depression. She found that file right as Orson told Bree, "You don't know how manipulative [his mother, Gloria] can be," so I'm guessing Gloria had Orson committed against his will and has been obsessed with controlling him ever since.
Plus, big news: Alma's alive, and looks to be plotting against Orson with Gloria. She only had one line, but it was basically ''shut up and get in the car,'' so I'm interested in just why and how this little Southern-drawling spitfire gets to push Dixie Carter around.
The rest of the ladies worked through different levels of boy trouble. Edie certainly suffered the least, dumping Mike as soon as he landed himself in jail (as the suspected murderer of Monique) with a million-dollar bail. As Mike's ever-loyal friend/lover/companion/whatever, Susan had to jump in to help. This might have actually been kind of cute, but it was so hopeless that it ended up just seeming tragic. No way can poor Susan avoid Mike forever, even if that means Ian will hire him a good lawyer. She doesn't seem to have much of a choice at this point — just as she didn't have a choice in the matter of dinner with Ian's visiting parents. Since when does "I wondered if you might be free to join us for dinner" mean "Cook for us!" Gloria wasn't the only manipulative weasel up in this joint last night.
Same goes for Gaby, to an extent — the way she turned those little girls against each other was evil, but we're used to stunts like this from her in order to get what she wants. I have to say that I loved her storyline from last night and hope she has found a "normal" love interest this time.
So this is the last Housewives write up until 2007 so see you then!
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