Floundering and Rafting

I have been meaning to start reporting on The Amazing Race since it started two weeks ago. However, since I had been away the past two Mondays, I haven't been able to until today. So here goes.

This is quickly becoming the best season of The Amazing Race since number 7, Uchenna and Joyce's victory year. How do I count the ways? Well, I count them more accurately than my favorites the beauty queens count clues. I am astonished that anyone who has run the race before wouldn't be aware of one cardinal rule: If something seems wrong, it is. If you encounter a kick line of raft guides willing to take you in a boat when you're supposed to be getting a clue, do you (a) turn around and look for the clue, or (b) hop in the boat and assume that you'll find the clue Scotch-taped to a whitecap?

When the beauty queens got to the pit stop, the fourth team to arrive, Phil sent them back to find their overlooked clue. But it's a tribute to the chaos of this season that even with that lost time, they still ended up in fourth place, as all the teams behind them continued to drive around in panicky circles, getting angrier and angrier at each other at every turn.

The first bit of tension came when Team Guido stopped for directions and Eric and Danielle eavesdropped and then sped off with the info before Bill could get back into the car. At the next clue box, he stood in front of Eric's car, not letting him pass. It was the world's gayest game of chicken, and I mean that literally. Speaking of which, the episode began with Team Guido pronouncing that no one should underestimate them just because they’re gay. But the producers would have no confounding of stereotypes on their watch: They were careful to highlight the duo cooing about wine; they showed Joe crying. They are however, starting to get on my nerves rather quickly.

Danny and Oswaldm on the other hand are the gay superstars of the race. Calm, cool, and capable, they breeze through nearly every challenge. All that and an odd mix of aggression and politeness: Oswald said about his game plan, "Sweetheart, if you get in my way, I'm going to run you over. But not in a malicious way."' I'd like to have seen Bill get in front of his car. They are also one of my favorites.

I have always loved Charla and Mirna. However, this season they are quickly annoying me and they seem a little too abrasive. Flying through the race on a magic carpet of moral superiority, they have irritated just about every other team. I do have to give them credit for being so good at sneakiness. At the airport, while everyone waited in line, Charla magically appeared behind the desk at the ticket agent's elbow, doing some sort of pincer maneuver with Mirna, who stood on the other side. She's a sneaky one, isn't she? Charla does know how to avoid getting busted: Just head her accuser off at the pass with a best-defense-is-a-good-offense zinger. When it looked like the beauty queens were about to call her on her ticket-agent sneak attack, she explained herself in a hurt, pedantic tone, "I can't see over the counter because I'm not as privileged as you are." Ouch!

Another hilarious moment regarding Charla was at the pit stop. There was a little person greeting the teams. When Oswald saw him, he said, "Charla's gonna be in love." Anyway, Charla and Mirna even convinced some dude into leading them to Petrohué. He tried to tell them he had to go to work, but Mirna wouldn't let him go, paying him $50 to lead them. And then they never let him go! Just when I'd forgotten about him, Charla and Mirna got out of the raft and there he was, wishing someone would take him home. "I'm sorry I am wearing a bathing suit," Mirna apologized to him in her catchall accented English. "It is very weird." And as the guy forlornly got in the back seat with a wet Charla on his lap, it seemed that, for him, things had gone quite a bit past "weird."

The roadblock this week was one of the best challenges in recent memory. When the producers try for something that sounds scary, it's always boring, because they can't actually put the competitors at risk. But this was so simple: Transport a bunch of flatfish that looked like angry, slimy kites. It was perfect — icky and exhausting. Danielle and Mirna overreacted exactly as you'd predict, and it was no less delightful for it. Eric kept yelling at Danielle to hold the fish down with her boobs, which I thought was very insensitive. Did he even think what would happen if the roles were reversed and he had to use his boobs? A thrashing flounder might accidentally get snared on his creepy nipple rings, and he would be forced to finish the race with a giant fish carcass attached to his chest.

If he had, David wouldn't have gotten anywhere near him. Apparently you don't get a lot of aquariums in coal country, because David looked more scared of fish than he does of his wife. He rallied, but not enough to overcome his and Mary's fear of making a correct turn, and the alleged fan favorites were eliminated. Phil tried to stretch out a tender moment by asking Mary if she still loves David, and she said yes, while David remained quiet, as usual. I was just glad they're gone. They really annoy me a lot.

Next week looks just as promising. Romeber face off against Charla and Mirna and there is a surprisng ending. Will Romber be eliminated" (I hope not!)