Someone Stop the Madness!

Apparently, entry into the American Idol top 12 should come with a warning label: May cause shortness of breath, loss of rhythm, general deterioration of charm and charisma, and increased annoyance. Because that's certainly what seemed to have happened to Chris Sligh on his journey from pre-semifinal front-runner to eventual 10th-place finisher: a kite-without-a-breeze nosedive that ended with his ouster from the competition tonight.

Was it that Chris S. couldn't handle the pressure of Idol's big stage? I mean, at no point during his last three performances — "Endless Love," "She's Not There," and "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" – did he exhibit the vocal oomph of his audition to Seal's "Crazy" or even his Hollywood-week quartet of "How Deep Is Your Love" (with Blake Lewis, Rudy Cardenas, and Thomas Lowe). And the curly-haired dude's trademark humor began to fail him, too, particularly that lame remark on Tuesday about spending his free time crocheting, knitting, and playing the bongo drums in his boxer shorts.

The pre-commercial-break pairing of Chris S. and Gina Glocksen as the final two candidates for the bottom three robbed this episode of any kind of suspense. As if we're going to believe that Gina, who's never been in the bottom three, is going to end up there after giving the strongest performance of her entire Idol run? Worse still, before Ryan sent Phil Stacey (tonight's other bottom-three player) back to the safety of the couch, he cruelly faked out Haley, which would've read as totally sadistic if he'd looked her in the eyes a few moments later and said, "Your journey ends tonight." So, yeah, it was clear Chris S. was doomed.

At least Paula and Randy provided some unintentional comedy after Ryan asked the judges to predict whether it would be Haley or Chris S. who would walk the plank.

Randy: "I don't know, man. It's a really tough call at this point, Ry. I don't know, dawg. It's a hard call. I don't know."

Um, Paula, you wanna take a stab at that? "Never a fun time. Never a fun time. I think you both deserve really great warmth from the crowd." Okayyyy.

Simon? Can you clear this up? "I think it's bye-bye, Curly." Thank you.

He always makes five times as much sense as Randy and Paula combined. That said, just as Simon was speechless when it came time to describe Sanjaya Malakar's No Doubt cover last night, I also need a break from coming up with new and creative ways to describe his crimes against music and good taste.

Come on America, this madness needs to stop. Sanjaya should take up all 3 of the places in the bottom 3 — his hair, his rail-thin body and his horrible frail voice. How much longer do we have to put up with his mediocrity? How many more superior singers must go? First Brandon, then Stephanie, and now Chris. When will the madness end? Well, at least Gwen rocked.