Yesterday was a very sexy edition of Dancing With the Stars as all the women performed the mambo, with varying degrees of raunchiness. Shandi Finnessey is pretty hot but her dancing just doesn't do it for me. Her timing is off and she seems content to just be flung around the floor by her partner while grinning goofily. I also can't stand this whole Barbie and Ken "all-American couple" thing. It may be her partner, Brian, that's the problem. Last week he was hot, this week he is annoying.
Paulina Porizkova also looked great and I want her to stay just because she cracks me up, as does her partner, hottie Alec Mazo. It's also worth noting that the cameras zoomed in on Brian Austin Green right after Paulina's performance. Was that bad timing, or did they just have to squeeze him in, sometime, anytime? Moments like these are why I watch this show.
This is an uncomfortable sentence to write, but Heather Mills was actually kind of good at mamboing and raunchiness. I'm sorry, the woman did a back walkover — let's go absolutely nuts about her! I have a feeling if any non-amputee had pulled that stunt so early in the competition, the judges would have launched into one of their "OMG, no lifts! No showboating!" tizzies immediately. So she got a pass on that. Also, major plot development: The rest of the cast is starting to acknowledge Heather backstage. Before, they were all pretty indifferent and kept scooting away and avoiding eye contact, but this time Billy Ray Cyrus kissed her on the cheek. Interesting.
The hotshot woman of the night — and of the season, so far — was one Miss Laila Ali. Len called hers "the best mambo we've seen," and she earned major points for shaking up some good hip action and keeping her orgasm face on the whole time. As Carrie Ann said, this was "hot, hot, hot." Laila and Maksim's gym session was cute, and they make a very hot couple. They are my favorites so far.
All the men had to do the quickstep. I honestly thought we wouldn't get to see Billy Ray Cyrus do his, because he seemed about to quit a few seconds into his rehearsal footage. But he pulled it off — with a sequined guitar on his back, no less. Sure, he'd improved since last week, but did he really deserve to be scored one point less than Ian Ziering, who was called out for being "too hoppy" in a dance that's largely composed of little hops? I'm also wondering, after the house band's droning rendition of "Ring of Fire," if Johnny Cash would have deigned to stand in any "corner" of this ballroom, no matter how close that corner was to Billy Ray.
Apolo Anton Ohno definitely stepped it up this week — footwork-wise, his routine was very complicated, and he and Julianne were almost alarmingly in sync. And since they're so young, they look a bit like that power dance couple who are way better than everyone else at their high school's talent show, half sexy, half incestuous, only not annoying. I dig. For now.
Clyde Drexler's suddenly in danger of going home — after the judges called him "very smooth" and a "crowd pleaser" (Carrie Ann), "great" (Len), and "David and Goliath, rewriting history and making music!" (one guess), they proceeded to give him a daunting 6-6-6. I'm sorry but he sucks and I hope he goes. Hopefully, Ammerica will show no mercy for the cute little dance partner and the gentle giant athlete! John Ratzenberger's dance was ok. The judges went gaga over the "performance" element of John's dance, which is to say they thought it stunk but did not say so. At least, they scored him three points higher than Clyde.
Fan favorite Joey Fatone didn't disappoint the judges with his flashy quickstep. He's definitely the only guy at this point who seems confident enough in his moves that he bothers to throw in the cheesy faces, head jerks and open-mouthed "I'm excited" gapes. His dancing itself seems effortless by comparison. I have a feeling Joey's going to wear sequined lettering or at least some form of sequined identifier every week. This time, it was his initials on his coattails. Whatever will he bedazzle next?
Tonight, we find out who gets sent home and I'm thinking it maybe Clyde but who knows.
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