Too Hot To Handle

My whole view of the world has been shattered. Charla and Mirna have come in first two weeks in a row! I just can't believe it. The Schmirnas were out in front from the very beginning, starting this leg 40 minutes ahead of the second-place beauty queens. They were clearly feeling confident, having unveiled their matching "Too Hot to Handle" T-shirts. I just thought it was a bit funny. And then, just minutes later, the beauty queens made a snide remark about the shirts, which made me laugh some more.

Also, after watching this episode, I've learned that if I ever plan to visit Dar es Salaam, I'll know to get my tickets far in advance, at least if I'm traveling from Mozambique. It seemed like every flight was sold out; apparently Maputo to Dar es Salaam is the New York to Boston of Africa. Charla and Mirna risked a flight through Johannesburg that paid off. They were able to get on a connecting flight on standby, perhaps through their two-pronged approach of Mirna hectoring the ticket agent over the desk while Charla stuck her head through a slot under the airline computer. No matter where the agent looked, she got a face full of Schmirna.

Meanwhile, Ian took control of his team by demanding that they stay overnight at the airport to make sure they didn't miss the 5:30 airline-ticket-counter opening. He shot down Teri's suggestion of returning to the hotel, saying he wouldn't risk getting snarled in morning traffic. At 5 a.m.? His "stay the course" edict didn't pan out, however. Not only was the flight completely booked, but when the four remaining younger teams skipped upstairs to an airline office to try a different flight, he and the Guidos stayed put, because, as Ian put it, "Standing in line is the thing to do." Everyone else got tickets, leaving Ian and Teri and Team Guido in last place.

Even more mysterious than Eric and Danielle's ejection from the plane were the weather conditions that delayed Charla and Mirna's boat ride an entire day. The boatman told them there was a storm coming; we were then treated to a shot of a cloudy sky that could have been taken anywhere at any time, but we never actually saw a storm. In fact, when everyone else arrived that same night, the streets weren't even wet. Now, I'm not one to cry conspiracy, but wasn't it a little convenient that these weather issues allowed three more teams to bunch up with Charla and Mirna, thereby making the leg a little more competitive? Because if the producers had footage of a storm, you know they'd have used it as evidence. Far be it from me to accuse anyone of anything without having all the facts, but let's just say that if Uchenna and Joyce didn't owe Bertram van Munster a fruit basket when they won season 7, they owe him a doubly big one now.

If there had been a storm, I'd have hated to see Charla in rough seas. Because the next day, when she finally climbed on board in calm water, she was still ralphing over the side. She may be too hot to handle, but she's just hot enough to upchuck. Although maybe she wasn't vomiting, she was just belatedly laughing at the prostitute joke Oswald and Danny told them the night before that neither she nor Mirna got. Perhaps it would have gone over better had Oswald told it in pidgin English in a loud, fake accent; the cousins seem to think everything sounds better that way. This week they settled on Italian for a generic accent; I thought by the end of the episode that, no matter what they wanted from someone, they would have just yelled, "That's a spicy meatball!" and hoped the message got through.

Oswald and Danny were really on fire this episode, weren't they? With their prostitute jokes, their "We're gonna trade you for food"' joke to Mirna, and Danny's impromptu Project Runway reference, "Where's Andrae?", it was like they'd hired writers for this leg of the race. Coming in a close second for the best jokester of the episode was Uchenna, who, while riding a boat through an old slave-trade route, told the beauty queens, "Five hundred years ago they took the slaves on this very same path, ladies. Now it's your turn."

Neither the detour (a puzzle versus log-hauling choice) nor the roadblock (hurling a stick at a target) was particularly memorable. Charla and Mirna were so far ahead they were destined to win, even if they didn't recognize the word catamaran when told it was their prize. Perhaps Phil should have clarified by saying, "Eet's-a big-a boat!" Or better yet, "That's a spicy sailboat!"

The real focal point of the last quarter of the show was who was going to lose: Teri and Ian or Team Guido. It was another example of finding it impossible to root for someone. It all came down to this: Do you prefer your humorless cranks gay or straight? Ultimately, thanks to their puzzle-solving abilities, the Guidos pulled ahead, and Teri and Ian were sent to wait in lines closer to home.

Next week, Charla dresses as a cute little knight!