Passionate Moves

Did anyone notice the desperate attempt to squeeze in as much T&A as possible — which in Cherry World means gratuitous shots of Teri Hatcher's thighs and Eva Longoria rocking tight tracksuits? Honestly the show is starting to concern me. It still is good but not as great as earlier this season. Where's the mystery? Where's Gaby's hilarious zingers?

We kicked off with Mary Alice discussing the lonely people of this world and their propensity to do things like argue with the television. Anyway. To Edie's place, where Edie and Carlos, despite mutual passion, have just had the Worst. Sex. Ever. As they both made up their minds to never again see each other naked, we suspected they'd be capping off the episode with amazingly hot sex on some uncomfortable piece of furniture. And we were right.

Tom officially won the Uniform War, as the strangely acquiescent Lynette strolled around in her hideous traffic cone of a T-shirt. Way to be a doormat, Lyn. Tom was lying on some twin bed in the living room, obsessing over how Scavo's was going to find an assistant manager well qualified enough to, um, stop Andrew from coupling with the beer-delivery guy during work hours. Maybe no one with a decent résumé wants to wear a fluorescent orange shirt all day — something which didn't occur to the suddenly whiny, adolescent Tom. Then along came a former cocaine addict to save the day. In the old days, wouldn't it have been Lynette who was terrified about having an ex-druggie around her family, and Tom who would have been telling her to lighten up? This story does show promise since there are rumors Lynette may stray.

Over at Edie's, there was some massively uncomfortable sex talk between mother and son after he'd poured her breakfast beer. ("I tipped the glass just like you told me to." Loved that.) After he reported overhearing Carlos say that she was "bad in bed," Edie inexplicably felt the need to justify her sexual prowess to her young child while giving a G-rated explanation for the phrase. ("No one 'makes a bed' as good as your mommy.") After he topped off her breakfast, we were on to a standard-issue Farmers' Market, U.S.A. On the drive home, Susan swerved to avoid hitting a deer (at this point, it would be cliché of me to use the word cliché) and drove her SUV into a lake.

Susan and Ian then briefly suspended all of this show's credibility by quickly escaping from their submerged car in mere minutes, with nary a scratch. It was here, in this tiny, still duck pond, that Ian revealed he could not swim, even though he had attended summer camp. They were practically in a kiddie pool but both thought they were going to die. Then Susan saw someone on the shore, a whopping ten feet away. Shocker, it was a beautifully muscled Delfino. Who removed his shirt in sexy slow motion, oops, that was my imagination, but didn't he look so HOT. Anyway, he jumped in and power-paddled like Susan was dying, even though she was still holding onto that large floating SUV. Mike dragged a totally emasculated Ian to safety, and hope slipped away for the whimpering Brit.

At Gabrielle's house, skinny soul mates Susan, Gaby, and Edie nibbled tortilla chips while trying to figure out how to get Lang to call Gaby now that she had slept with him and lost the upper hand. By making out with her handyman in the front row at Lang's mayoral debate, she got him jealous enough that he stormed over with a bouquet and professed a stalkerlike love for her. Predictably, she swooned.

Meanwhile, midnight snacker Susan was being called a "cheddar-breathed tease" by her British beloved. Later, she was busy making overtures of her own — but a totally rattled and envious Ian was having none of it. She ended up hoofing it to Mike's with a thank-you present for, um, saving her life. It was an electronic juicer (ok!), and I guess Mike really needed one, because he was so grateful he gave her a big ol' smooch. It must have been good because by the time she got back to her house, she was still touching her lips. And of course, there was Ian, ready to kiss and make up.

We end tonight with a little scorecard. After weeks of playing games, Gabrielle and Lang finally have passion. Susan has passion with both Ian and Mike. Edie and Carlos finally, finally made good on their passion. And since Lynette wouldn't service her husband and he couldn't bow at the waist, the Scavos, once again, have no passion.