Ask The Bi Guy

Hey Everyone! Welcome to the first edition of Ask the Bi Guy! I'm here to answer your questions and give you my views and opinions. So here goes.

Dear Bi Guy,

I am what I call "bisexual in my mind." I'm physically attracted to men, for sex only, not a relationship. I have never done anything with a man and I'm not sure I ever will. I once tried to mention this to one of my good friends by talking about how oral sex from guys is supposedly better, and he totally freaked out about it, so I dropped the subject. (Though he brought it up to me several times after this how worried he was about me.) Should I go back to just keeping my feelings to myself? I worry that when I'm in a relationship, she could find out about this other side of me and it could ruin things. How do you handle the "double life?" Do you have any support from friends? Were any of your partners (male or female) aware of your activities?

Thanks,
J Z


Dear J Z,

This is a very long subject to explore but I'll try to keep as short as possible. I am pretty much like you in that I am attracted to men for the sex and not the relationship part.

When I first became aware of my situation I didn't have the support of any of my friends and even until this day I don't because they don't know. I actually did have to deal with most of it on my own. I don't think involving friends would be goo because it would make things messier instead of better. Same things goes for any future girlfriends you may have. I think that telling them would complicate things further. So I would refrain from asking those questions to your friends too.

I handle my "double life" but keeping it completely separate from my regular life. For example, my girlfriend, friends, family, and co-workers are completely unaware of the existence of this blog. I don't update it from my home computer in case anyone uses it. I also keep a separate e-mail address from my regular one that no one knows about. If I ever am in the mood to view something "bi" online, I do it but I delete it from the computer's history. It can be pretty tedious but it's the price of leading a bi life.

When it comes to messing with guys, I have decided to stay faithful to my girlfriend so I don't keep a guy on the side. It keeps thing simpler and I avoid getting caught with my pants down. A lot of people have asked me how can I do that and not be with a guy at all. Well, I just do. I don't know how but I have managed to be faithful with my current girlfriend and was faithful to my ex as well so it is possible if you choose to go this way.

In times that I was single, I usually got with guys on my own, without any friends around so they wouldn't get suspicious. I also never did that dating thin because it never appealed to me. Eventually you find others like you and they become people you can rely on and fool around with from time to time. They may also lead the double life.

Basically JZ, there is no right or wrong way. There may be people out there that choose to be open with it and that's cool. Others like me keep it quiet and live a double life. You will have to work on what makes you comfortable. If you don't want to mess around with a guy at all then don't. But if the desire persists, it would be best not to ignore and act on it in a careful and rational way.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely,

The Bi Guy