Ask The Bi Guy

Dear Bi Guy,

Your blog is awesome! Have you ever caught a friend in a lie? I caught 2 friends in a big lie and never confronted them. (Love triangle kinda thing--I liked him, he liked her, they claimed they were just friends, and then I found out they were secretly dating.) It's been months now and I feel stupid bringing it up so late. I don't talk to them anymore, but I still want them to know I knew what crappy friends they were. How do you deal with friends lying to you?

Vicki


Dear Vicki,

There was one time I did catch a friend of mine in a pretty big lie. This happened a few years ago. My friend Mike had been acting a bit strange for a few weeks and none of us knew why. He wouldn't hang out with us and would disappear all of a sudden after getting mysterious phone calls. We all weren't sure why. Being the way that I am, I decided to investigate what was going on and I told my friend Chris to come along. One day we followed him when he left us after getting one of those calls. To make a long story short, we discovered he was actually sleeping with our other friend's ex-girlfriend. They had just broken up two months ago and it was pretty bad.

We were so shocked and we confronted him about it. He was really sorry about it, but we were pretty upset he did that considering what a close group we are. We didn't talk to him for about a week until he finally called and apologized again. We eventually forgave him and things went back to normal. The harder part was when he came clean to our friend Brad. He was so pissed at him. He felt really betrayed by Mike. They didn't talk for a whole month. Chris and I had to trick them into meeting again and they started talking and slowly patched things up. Things were tense for a few months but eventually things went back to normal. Oh and they ended up breaking up too.

This wasn't something that really directly impacted me but it was something that hurt us as a whole. It was kind of hard for the two of us that were caught in the middle. I was hurt that Mike lied to us and I was hurt because I had thought we were the closest of the four. I expected he could at least have told me. Because of our history and his reasons for not telling, I did eventually forgive him. I tend to be pretty forgiving unless it is something really major. Other than this, we really haven't had too many problems.

I'm really sorry that you had to go through all that with your friends. You should let them know what bad friends they are. If you can't trust them and they hurt you the way they did, then it's better you no longer have any relationship with them. I'm sure you'll find better friends, if you haven't already.

Sincerely,

The Bi Guy