I never thought I would say this but i missed Barry Manilow! And while we're at it, Disco Night and even "Songs From the Year the Contestants Were Born" Night. Because one thing that's frighteningly clear after watching the opening night of American Idol's season 6 semifinals: The top 12 men, for the most part, should not be left to their own devices.
There were excruciatingly dull song choices. There were keys the contestants couldn't reach with ladders. There were hair and styling choices that would've drawn catty comments even from Ugly Betty. Tip No. 1: If you can braid your goatee to your chest hair, it's seriously time to invest in a razor. There were moments I thought the evening's theme was "Random Selections From a Jukebox in 1979." Sorely lacking, however, were performances that looked like they were coming from potential music superstars — let alone folks who could get a crowd of teenage girls worked up once the Idol top 10 tour commences this summer.
So where to begin? I guess with the good, considering how much bad and ugly there was. And tonight, there was no one better than spiky-haired beatboxer Blake Lewis, whose cover of Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know" was as lovely as it was unexpected. Randy was completely off as usual, telling Blake he should showcase his beatbox skills every week. As Blake pointed out in his pre-performance interview, Idol audiences haven't seen too much of his singing up to this point in the season, so his choice of an evocative mid-tempo number was an inspired strategic move. Not only that, he was the night's only performer who seemed completely comfortable and confident in front of a national audience. Until proven otherwise, he's the front-runner on the men's side.
Still, there are five other spots in the finals for male singers, and somebody's got to take them, whether or not they're on par with season 5 standouts like Daughtry or Yamin or Hicks. And while A.J. Tabaldo's perky take on Luther Vandross' rhythmically tricky "Never Too Much" certainly wasn't perfect, it was a whole lot of fun — a quality that was in woefully short supply during tonight's two-hour telecast. Seriously, is there some rule that says these guys aren't allowed to smile and cut loose during their performances? I thought the judges were awfully tough on A.J., especially considering he was on-key for at least 90 percent of his number. Plus, he got Paula on her feet doing her crazy dance; that in itself ought to win him safe passage to next week.
If A.J.'s severe screen-time deficit doesn't derail his Idol dreams, he'll likely be sharing the stage next Tuesday with Chris Sligh, whose take on Mute Math's "Typical" was probably good enough to maintain his already large fan base, but not likely to win him any new voters. Simon was totally right. The whole performance reeked of a "weird student gig," partly because of the lackluster song choice, and partly because Chris sounded surprisingly strained going for the bigger notes. And while Chris' dig at last season's Idol victory song, "Do I Make You Proud," was funny, I thought his self-ballyhooed sense of humor backfired on him when he tried to mix it up with Simon. It's way too early in the season to be this smug, dude, even if you're making fun of Il Divo. He really annoyed me last night though.
Based solely on tonight's efforts, I'd say Nick Pedro, Jared Cotter, and Chris Richardson are probably most deserving of the remaining berths in the finals — although they've all got tons of room for improvement. Nick was so restrained on "Now and Forever" that I was vaguely worried he might slip into a coma, but there's no denying he's got a lovely voice — and hopefully he can shake off the nerves if America gives him a second chance. Jared, meanwhile, suffered from quite a different problem: His rendition of Brian McKnight's "Back at One" was reasonably strong, but with the alarmingly come-hither looks he was throwing into the cameras, I wouldn't be surprised if the Idol photography crew has grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.
And then there's Phil. Now, while I could most certainly have asked for a great deal more from his cover of Edwin McCain's "I Could Not Ask for More" — for starters, how about not tunelessly mumbling your way through the song's first third? — he did belt out the remainder in perfectly plucky fashion. Which is more than you can say for the rest of the guys — two of whom I'm predicting will head home on Thursday without drawing any tears from this Idol watcher.
I also really enjoyed Chris Richardson's version of Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be." He was the first performer to do something right last night. He did put his own twist on the Gavin DeGraw tune, something some of the other contestants failed to do with their songs. One thing that does annoy me is the fact he's already hammering in the comparisons folks have made between him and Justin Timberlake. Not just that, he is even dressing like him by sporting that suits and sneakers look that bugs me.
The song was a better fit for Chris than "Rock With You" was for Brandon Rogers, or "Knocks Me Off My Feet" was for Sanjaya Malakar. The former was so wobbly and listless on Michael Jackson's jaunty hit, it's got me wondering if he stretched the truth about his résumé, going with "Christina Aguilera backup singer" as opposed to "Christina Aguilera roadie." And Sanjaya, you're really gonna make it that easy for Simon by repeating the line "I don't want to bore you with it" on a sluggish ballad that's way too big for ya?
To get there, I'm hoping two of the following singers get unceremoniously dumped on Thursday: Rudy Cardenas, Paul Kim, and Sundance Head. True, Rudy didn't hit many wonky notes during his episode-opening number, but the guy had his choice of a gajillion different songs and he picked the Edgar Winter Group's "Free Ride"? Shoeless Paul, meanwhile, drew dreaded comments about failing to find his center from Paula after his take on Wham!'s "Careless Whisper." I've got to hand it to that Abdul chick; who else could find such kind things to say after hearing a person disembowel a cherished '80s chart-topper? Sundance, meanwhile, treated the Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin" even more brutally; the big dude's body language was stiffer than a corpse, and not a single note was left unbloodied.
I have high hopes for the ladies who perform tonight. Anything has to be better than this sad group.
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