10 out 12 Isn't That Bad

To put a twist on a catchphrase from American Idol's most frequently covered diva, Whitney Houston, "Awww, hell to the no!" Seriously, America, you were so close to getting the women's half of Idol's season-6 finalists completely right. You had LaKisha Jones, Melinda Doolittle, Stephanie Edwards, Jordin Sparks, and Gina Glocksen sitting on their little silver stools, ready to tackle next Tuesday's Diana Ross theme with supreme gusto. And you'd set free my favrotie Antonella Barba. I really felt bad for the girl. I see now that Antonella never had a chance and she must have realised that for sure last night.

Anyway, after making one smart decision America, you totally mess up. You could've filled out the women's bracket with Sabrina Sloan, who, by choosing En Vogue's "Don't Let Go (Love)," exhibited an ability to think outside the Aretha-Whitney-Celine box that cages most contestants, and who, it must be added, delivered this song powerfully and in tune. But instead, you went and put through Haley! Come on! You make a mockery of your God-given right to speed-dial and text-message by making Haley Scarnato a season-6 finalist. That was cruel, America. Cruel to the infinitely more deserving Sabrina. Cruel!

On the men's side, I will not feign any outrage over the elimination of Jared Cotter and Sundance Head — even though it means we'll have to endure one more week of Sanjaya Malakar's careless stage whispers. Jared's "If You Really Love Me"' was mostly in tune but was incredibly generic, something he proved again with his exit performance tonight. By the time I'd fast-forwarded through the commercial break that followed Jared's number, and into the Idol "Insult Your Intelligence Challenge" — hmm...is it Ace Young, Chicken Little, or that Daughtry dude who's got this week's No. 1 album? — I could not recall one detail of Jared's performance.

Sundance, meanwhile, benefited from some revisionist history by the judges' panel: Paula dubbed him "one of our finest," and Simon asked if the nation had turned its volume down on men's night. To which I'd say, "Yes!" — probably at the midpoint of Sundance's wickedly pitchy cover of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy." Sure, it's a shame that the final 12 includes not only Sanjaya but the underwhelming Brandon Rogers, but if not for them, who'd be giving us something to rant about at the water cooler from now till Memorial Day?

So next week, the Top 12 kick off singing some Diana Ross. See ya then.