Free for All

Before I discuss dances, I just want to point out that, against all odds, Samantha Harris somewhat redeemed herself last night. Did anyone else catch that giggle she squeaked out after letting us know that these were the "most important dances of the stars' lives"? So endearing! It seemed that she was finally in on the joke. I wonder if Tom grandfathered her in, or if she figured out all on her own just how laughable the whole shebang is. Sam, I salute you!

Then again, the two dances Apolo, Joey, and Laila performed tonight — a judges' choice and a freestyle — might actually have been the most important dances of their lives. Does anyone really think Laila and Apolo are ever going to flit around a stage again, unless it's this same stage a year from now? Oh-no. And Joey's had a lot of important group-oriented stomps, but the stomping he's done here will undoubtedly go down as his greatest solo dancing achievement. So maybe that means Sam was right.

Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne (58 out of 60) pulled it off. I'm not sure they were any better last night than they've been all season, but the pair's trick-filled rumba — not to mention a great hip-hop routine secured their status as the couple that should, and likely will, win. After their "Midnight Train to Georgia" rumba, Carrie Ann complained that they "overperformed it just a hair." Len thought it was too quick and lacked romance. Bruno just rattled off some scripted line about a gigolo and a baby doll teasing each other, ewww — offered perhaps the season's greatest Quintessential Bruno Moment: "They made love on the dance floor! They could have conceived a baby!" Which inspired Tom to chime in: "I don't even smoke, and I want a cigarette." Love it!

The judges chose the cha-cha for Joey Fatone and Kym (56 out of 60), to which the pair responded by performing their first of two freestyle dances. It may have been grounded in cha-cha — or at least lightly basted in its scattered spices — but the whole thing looked like the hip-hop routine they really wanted to dance during the freestyle round. I did enjoy it, though. Kym's a very fun choreographer — tame, people pleasing, classic, etc. The judges thought the cha-cha was too theatrical, and Bruno found it "strangely odd." That criticism, coming from Bruno, means the dance must have been really out there. Joey and Kym made up for it in their freestyle, though. I was glad that, aside from the "no strings attached" moves at the beginning and end, Joey didn't feel the need to fall back on his boy-band moves. Their "Last Dance" incorporated actual ballroom moves in between amazing, flawless-seeming lifts. Apolo's freestyle may have been more original, but Joey's was a freestyle you want to see toward the end of DWTS.

As for Laila Ali and Maks (55 out of 60), I'm still loyal to my favorite tall girl. All that rehearsal footage of her hesitating to jump onto Maks because she wasn't "like the other girls" brought a tear to my eye. Not a real one, though. I wish she'd have committed more to the Maks pounce, too. Anyone dying to bare his arms and chest at regular intervals should have had the chance to twirl Laila Ali above his head. But Maks could not. Sadly, that freestyle they did was kind of bad — I wasn't quite sure what they were going for the entire time, and who the hell came up with Laila's costume? I did like Laila's adorably funky solo part at the end, but it wasn't enough. The pair's paso doble, however, delighted everyone in the house. Laila looked amazing and never broke character during the intense — or, as Bruno called it, "dripping with emotion" — dance. It was a load of bull, in the very best way.

I don't know what the deal is with the special scoring process you have to visit ABC.com to learn about. There's probably some fine print about how whoops, your votes haven't counted the whole season and Samantha gets to pick the bottom two based on who is the shiniest to her at that moment. Seriously, though, I've actually found this season to be relatively non-overbearing in terms of the judges swaying things. They've pretty much discounted themselves as factors and have let us figure out for ourselves that Joey Fatone really can't dance that well after all. Psych!