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This video is the promo for the new season of Desperate Housewives. I think it is a very well done promo and I love how fabulous and sexy the housewives look. The new Jennifer Lopez song "Mile In These Shoes" sounds great and I can't wait to hear the full version. It fits the mysterious feel of the promo. It really makes me wonder who is in that car and why should we look out?

Something Old, Something New

I have been complaining a bit lately over the state of the show. In last night's season finale, however, I found surprisingly little to complain about. The importance of family was Mary Alice's lesson tonight, making for some damn gripping drama.

We'll start with Edie, since she appears to be, well, dead. Yes, I found it creepy yet funny as hell that she was talking to her mom's apparition while she had raunchy sex with Carlos. But there was nothing funny — and nothing untrue — about Mary Alice's hanging scene voice-over, during which we actually felt the loneliness and alienation of those without family. I've felt sad for Edie (as when her newly loving son Travers headed out the door with his dad), but I've never truly identified with her as a human being or seen what makes her tick. From day one, she's always been a genuine over-the-top caricature. This season the writers decided that Edie needed to be an Actual Person With Feelings and Needs, which translated into a few awkwardly loving scenes with her son and her breakdown as Carlos stormed off at Gaby's wedding.

Everyone in America, as well as Julie, yelled "Finally!" as Susan and Mike tied the knot. Though they started the episode tossing around cringe-inducing sweet nothings about a chocolate fountain and a dove wrangler, they ended the night with Susan overcoming her materialism and deciding that all she really wanted to do was marry Mike, no matter where or when. Loved her slow realization (kudos, Teri) that Mike was getting up in the dark hours of the night for plumbing emergencies just for her. I liked Susan more tonight — away from the ditziness — than I have all season. Loved the wedding, loved the mushy romance ("wear me"), loved the cheesy pastel paper lanterns...

...Because as we'd seen earlier, a hugely expensive wedding does not a happy bride make. Gaby — whose ceremony was almost a celebration interruptus, thanks to Edie and the ex-hubby's loud squabbling — stalked and paced the grounds, all aflutter over a conversation she'd heard between Victor and his dad which implied that he'd married her for the Latino vote. Never mind that Daddy Lang had paid his new daughter-in-law a visit before the wedding, urging her to marry his son, despite her aversion to the campaign trail and the fact that the son had just called her stupid. And never mind that a sharp people reader like Gaby could stand up to her fiancé and his father at the dinner table in one scene, then be brainwashed by the elder man's poppycock shortly thereafter. Gaby's general lack of backbone recently is inexplicably out of character — she almost has a glassy-eyed "Lang has convinced me that if I leave him, even though I'm having doubts and am in like with my ex-husband, the aliens will invade Fairview, so I must stay" look. And falling into Carlos' arms now that she's souring on Lang? Way to face your problems, Gab. Next season, I hope she returns to fighting form.

Lynette is also someone I can't complain about. Felicity Huffman's got sizable chops, and she deserves a few awards for tonight's performance. Lynette's desperation when Tom told her that forgiving her mother was her penance for crushing on Rick was chilling. As was her steadfast insistence on handling her cancer, financial issues, and family all by herself. Tonight we saw why family is so important to Lynette: Her own home was broken, and she doesn't want to become her mother. (This also explains why she didn't jump the hot chef when she had the opportunity.) Her showdown with her mother in the kitchen was the best acting Felicity's been able to do on this show in quite some time; it's nice to see Lynette getting something to chew on instead of this inane Tom-on-his-back garbage. As with Edie, I feel like I have an entirely different appreciation for who Lynette is as a person after this episode. Considering the watered-down plotlines both women have been subjected to this year, this statement is pretty miraculous.

Oh, and Bree was also back, but it was strangely anticlimactic. And didn't she look so damn hot even pregnant, or fake pregnant hot. It seems Danielle is in a nunnery until she pops out her illegitimate-teen-pregnancy spawn, and there is cooperation between Bree and Andrew for once in this lifetime. Having united in the plan to pass off Danielle's baby as Bree's, the family was, unfortunately, rather boring. It'd be nice to see them involved in a massively juicy extra plot or two come autumn.

So guys, see you in Season 4!

Show Summaries

Here are recaps of the shows I would have covered over the past week that I did not get a chance to do:

Ugly Betty: Our heroine tracks down her grandmother in Mexico and learns valuable lessons about fighting for love. Plus, Marc stands up for Amanda. I Really love how the Ignacious/immigration storyline played out now. It was boring but now I'm into it. The episode rocked as usual. Best lines:

1. Marc, to Amanda, after she broke their date: "Don't tell me you forgot we were gonna rent 300 and enjoy the mildly homophobic-slash-homoerotic content!"

2. Justin, complaining about the bad timing of the trip to Mexico: "Doesn't anyone care that I am understudying the lead in West Side Story? God forbid Joey Colano takes ill and I don't know my finger snaps for the rumble."

3. Willy, worrying about getting wrinkles from smiling: "You really can't see those lines can you?" Marc: "Nope. You're as dead on the outside as you are on the inside."

Grey's Anatomy: Meredith refuses to answer anything on the big intern exam. Plus, the Chief's wife is pregnant, and George gets a job offer. Good, but not great. I fear my favorite show is slipping??? I think today's season finale will reverse that.

Desperate Housewives: Susan and Gaby battle over the same day for their weddings. Plus, Edie manipulates Carlos, and Lynette gets some bad news. The show is starting to improve and I have even higher hopes for the season finale. I thought Mike's proposal was cute but predictable. I'm excited for Marcia Cross' return on Sunday. Who thinks Bree is pregnant?

Entourage: They are back to form! After the Amanda debacle, things are looking up. Johnny gets a hit show after getting depressed by the bad reviews. Plus Vince and E give Ari one more chance, and Turtle meets a girl! The ep rocked and I'm anxious to see how the Medellin movie will turn out after the risk Vince and E took in buying the script.

Dancing With the Stars: Awesome episode! Everyone really danced great. My favorite Laila did awesome and was so sexy. I also enjoyed Apolo's dance and thought it was very sexy. I felt bad that Ian had to go after scoring his first perfect score, but after the couples left, he and Cheryl were the weakest. Go Laila!

Heroes: The next to last episode ruled! Deep breathe, here we go. Hiro learned samurai skills from his father (although strange he did so fast) just as the good guys join forces against Linderman and Sylar. Nathan told DL and Jessica where to find Linderman. Once there, Linderman shot DL but DL managed to kill him by sticking his hand into his head, ew. Niki finally made a comeback. Proving my theory wrong, Micah's role was to fix the election so Nathan could win by a landslide. Also, HRG showed his badass side, killing Thompson. Will he kill little Molly too or use her to find Sylar. Speaking of Sylar, he got hotter...uh more powerful...by munching on Ted's brains and stealing his power. Claire and Peter are right on his tail. Next week, it looks like it will be one hell of a showdown of hotties with Peter vs Sylar. I can't wait.

American Idol: So I tuned in on Tuesday night expecting Jordin to rule the house. However, she was saddled by two crappy songs chosen by Simon and the producers. She picked things up with a replay of "I Who Have Nothing." Blake also struggled with the choices made for him. However, Melinda nailed it with 3 perfect songs, of course. It was obvious she was safe, or was she...we'll talk about that in a bit.

Veronica Mars: It's obvious I'm no longer digging this once glorious show. The network has completely killed it! First they changed the format and took away the mysteries, leaving only a mysetry an episode. Things are looking like the show will be cancelled and to be honest, I'd rather have it cancelled than continue in this sad state. So very, very sad. This show ruled.

Spoilers Time!

Dirt:

1. The show has been renewed for another season! It will be back in early 2008.

Grey's Anatomy:

1. You know that girl we saw in last week's previews, making googly eyes at McDreamy? Well, she is played by former Reunion star, Chyler Leigh and has been offered a multiple-episode arc for next season. I love her, and it seems she may be sinking her slutty little paws into Mer’s man.

2. The intern's first year will finally come to an end with the intern exam, a chief will be named, Christina and Burke will make it to the church, Meredith and Derek will face an uncertain future, and the triangle that is Callie, Izzie and George will become more complex. Plus there will be surgeries and sex. Lots of surgeries and sex.

Lost:

1. The game-changer involves Jack and someone else.

2. A fan favorite will sacrifice himself for the good of the rest of the Losties.

3. This week ww will earn who really is in charge of the Others and more about Jacob.

4. Some mysteries will be resolved by the end of the season: what was up with the guys in the arctic, Walt's ability to rejuvenate animals, the "magic box" idea. They also said that Patchy's resurrection will be explained within the next couple of weeks. The smoke monster will not be explained until the end of the series.

Desperate Housewives:

1. In the season finale, Susan and Mike are set to wed in the forest and it seems that Susan lured Mike there without him knowing they would get married. When Gaby rethinks marrying Victor, Milton (his father) convinces her to give his son another chance. Soon after she does, Gaby learns that Victor marrying her may all have been to do better in polls (married man seen with a Latina wife.)

Heroes:

1. The May 21 season capper will set up two big ideas for the second volume of Heroes, to be titled "Generations." The new saga will focus on putting the Heroes mythology in a grand historical context of superpowered family dynasties. It focuses on heritage, the family line, and the source of the powers. That means the "older" generation of heroes — including George Takei's Papa Nakamura and especially Cristine Rose's Mama Petrelli — should expect more screen time.

2. Instead of just a cheerleader or a city, "Volume 2: Generations" will concern a plot to save the entire planet. Also, Suresh will learn crucial info about his Indian past and his dead (or is she?) sister in the finale that helps set up next season.

Straying

Wait, aren't mini backpacks so '90s? Doesn't look like Susan cared, as she dragged a pink knapsack all over some random mountain in search of Mike, only to find him and give him the shortest long-awaited kiss ever seen on screen. I'd like to say that Delfino and Mayer's clinch was the emotional high point of this episode, but our two favorite ships in the night were bested by the emotional bathroom breakdown of a bored, emotionally straying housewife named Lynette Scavo.

We began the night with violence, which seemed at first like Marc Cherry's attempt to get this show back to its dark roots. But when bad things happen to Lynette, she ends up locked in a storage freezer with a hot guy to, um, keep her warm. Her "oh, crap" when she realized she was being robbed was classic Lynnette; on the other hand, would she have been as upset if she'd known she'd be forced to spend the night in Rick's arms? Nope, and certainly not as upset as Tom was when he found her all rumpled the next morning. I would've loved an all-out, wild-punches brawl between Tom and Rick. Between Ian's throwing in the towel with Susan and Lang's whimpering at Gabrielle's feet, it's about time the men of Fairview showed a little backbone.

Over in Victory Lane, Gabrielle borrowed Charlotte York's whole gay-shopping-friend idea and went looking for a pricey gown to celebrate Lang's big win, yet all she could find was that tacky blue cocktail dress. And are cops allowed to call women "spoiled bitches," even if they deserve it? I know Gaby's supposed to be a materialistic brat, but tonight she resembled a catty seventh grader who's just been told that someone's wearing the same jeans as her. Upon learning that the new Mayor Lang had sway over parking tickets and, well, the law, she went on a binge through downtown Fairview, harassing the bumbling traffic cop and rashly declaring it Free Parking Day. Then Lang lectured her like he was a father and she'd just missed curfew on prom night. Gabrielle's scenes in this episode cast her like such a child that I was actually embarrassed for Eva Longoria.

Speaking of childish, Carlos hit a new level of awkward with his "bros over ho's" line. And Travers got a noogie! The whole Edie-Carlos-Travers love-triangle plotline was disjointed tonight. Just when I thought Edie had become a somewhat loving parent, she rescued a pound puppy as a tool to help persuade Travers to ask Doc Borderless for joint custody. This was all to get Carlos to remain in the picture. Carlos is still in love with his ex, but he knows she's getting married. He's also been having some pretty hot sex with Edie, and he likes her as a person. So wouldn't it make sense for Carlos to want to stay in the relationship? Not according to the Housewives writers, who convinced us that he was only there for Travers. And though Edie has been showing signs of deep commitment, there haven't been previous signs that her passion for Carlos took priority over the love of her son. In the end, after no thought process whatsoever, Carlos decided he really wanted to be a full-time boyfriend to Edie, with or without access to her kid, and Edie put her son's needs before hers. Exactly the result we wanted for these two people, despite the choppy writing.

At Susan's house, Ms. Mayer decided she really loved Mike and was gonna go get her man, even though he was, in true clichéd fashion, vacationing near some hot spring in the mountains. Julie sent Mom on her merry way, which would involve hiring a trail guide who was one step away from coaching women's softball. The unlikely love doctor read her the riot act, saying, "You sleep with your ex-husband, you cheat on a coma victim," and telling her she's a drama junkie. Um, duh. And at long last, we got the Mike-Susan kiss we'd been waiting for, and James and Teri had as much chemistry as we could hope for. Except why was the reunion cut so short? After months of waiting, it felt sadly anticlimactic.

Despite arrests (Gaby), mountaintop makeouts (Sue), and cute spawn (Edie), the night belonged to Lynette. After her dinner date with Chef was interrupted by those pesky thieves, she saw her emotional affair come to an end after Rick declared his feelings. I admired Lynette's decision to put a stop to things right then and there. By not walking out on her family ("I have nothing to offer! I am taken!"), she proved Tom's earlier defense of her was dead-on (and it showed he still knew his wife, despite the growing distance between them). I thought it was way out of character for her to spend nights with the hunk cook while her devoted husband lay at home with a back injury. Yet she rose spectacularly to the occasion tonight, putting her need to feel sexy and free behind the needs of her hubby and family. Felicity Huffman's disposal of Rick — and her subsequent breakdown in the bathroom at Scavo Manor — was her best acting in a while.

All in all, a decent episode, improved slightly by Susan's brilliantly ditzy (but also seriously heartfelt, so kudos to Hatcher) "I've always loved you"/"I don't want any more drama" call, which she made, miraculously, on a cell phone from deep in the woods. "Unless I get eaten by a mountain lion," she snuffled, "and, you know, that'll be dramatic, but it won't be my fault." This was a nicer moment, than, say, Lang dramatically turning from Gaby to stare meaningfully into the fireplace, or Carlos making Edie be a better mom. I also thought that it was funny when Mike figured out the lost woman the guides were talking about was Susan when the mentioned she was "clumsy."

So, we are in the home stretch of the season and I can't wait for it to just end so season 4 can start up and hopefully provide some more intrigue and mystery.

Gossip Girls

Last night was a classic Desperate Housewives episode. I hope this sudden artistic resurgence isn't just a onetime thing and the beginning of a whole new era. Edie is back to her double dealing, Susan is thisclose to hooking up with Mike, Gabrielle got her bitch on, and Lynette nearly went on a date with someone who wasn't Tom. Oh, and Julie's in the house! And Marcia Cross isn't on bed rest after all; she's in her mountain ski whatever ordering muffin baskets for her friends! Yay!

It's awfully brilliant to air an episode whose main theme is gossip and the way in which rumors dominate suburban life. The whispering hadn't caught up with poor Gaby, who learned — at her engagement party, no less (nice) — that Edie was sleeping with Carlos. Memo to Edie: Dropping this bombshell as someone celebrates her betrothal is even worse than wearing white at the wedding. Gone was the loved-up, smiley Edie of weeks past. This week she was determined to keep Carlos for herself at all costs, even if the price was Gaby's friendship. The independent, ballsy Edie's willingness to give up the Wisteria women spoke volumes about her love for Carlos. And just as in the old days, tonight Miss Britt just loved to be the center of attention — whether she was trading idle gossip ("since when does praying make boobs look better?") or telling Gaby about her hot romance. Gaby and Edie have always played so beautifully against each other, even if tonight's showdown in the driveway was the adult equivalent of sticking out one's tongue in the school playground.

Lynette and her chef are having an emotional affair. "I just chose ravioli over motherhood," she said, and with her shiny locks and sexy black dress, I'd say she was trading those rugrats for more than just pasta. I know the Lynette of season 1 would never have run off and had some kind of affair with a pizza-joint staffer. But tonight, the fact that she got all dolled up, flirted shamelessly, and snuck around behind her hubby's back proved that she is embracing her sexuality and her natural coy manner. For the past year and a half, it's seemed as if Lynette were hidden behind a cloak of marriage and mommyhood, and now she's finally emerged with her cute laugh and curler to reclaim her place as one of the sexier women on the block.

Tom, meanwhile, has reverted to being the whiny and selfish (but not annoying and pie-hungry) yuppie we all loved to hate. His jealousy over Lynette's interest in the pizza chef shows that despite a recent spate of arguments and a thrown-out back, he really does care deeply for his wife. This was the first episode in a long time where we truly saw that.

Finally, we also have Susan back. We first fell in love with her when she locked herself outside, naked, then fell in a gigantic plant. Then she became a selfish, whiny near Londoner. Tonight, Susan was back. Her best friend, confidante, and daughter was in the house, and the two were up to their old tricks, as Julie helped her mom spy on Mike. We finally got some insight into Susan's mind. Far from the flighty, tacky nightie enthusiast she's been recently, she ended up on a therapist's couch expressing heartfelt anguish about having to choose one man over the other. As she bawled on the shrink's sofa, we at long last understood her rationale for dumping both — she felt terrible hurting each guy's feelings, aww. And at Edie's party, we even got a mention of Susie Q's career as a children's book illustrator. I'd all but forgotten it existed.

Mrs. McClusky's battle against neighborhood gossips and taggers was the first time I've felt genuine sadness and compassion for a Wisteria resident since Zach in season 1. Credit here goes to the writing and to the fantastic acting of Kathryn Joosten. Her interaction with Lynette's son is adorable; sometimes their conspiratorial dynamic is very Tom and Lynette.

Gabrielle finally got away from this whole "soft" image she was starting to develop and got back to her usual snippy self. Upset after Edie's revelation, Gaby tried to get her neighbors to turn against her new rival. "Good friends share more than gossip and brunch!" she yelled when they protested. "I want icicles hanging from that bitch's ears!" Lynette and Susan were so afraid of her that they hid out at Edie's son's birthday party, and the image of them crawling on all fours as Gaby's sinister convertible pulled up the road is something I will never forget. Welcome back, Gaby, Hell on heels! And props for this heavenly observation, Mary Alice: "For the first time, Gaby was willing to let Carlos be with someone else...because he still belonged to her." Oh, man. Am I the only one who feels sorry for Edie? I've never seen her look happier than when she was with her two boys. I hope that Carlos was just downplaying the relationship in order to spare his ex-wife's feelings. Or, because he knows Gaby's a busybody, to prevent even more salacious gossip from spreading.

Welcome back to greatness Desperate Housewives. I honestly think this is the start of something even better.

Spoilers Time!

Grey's Anatomy:

1. Studio insiders say the first hour of Private Practice’s pilot (which airs as a Grey’s episode in May) is close to completion and is so "fearlessly good" it’s the most likely of all ABC pilots to receive a pickup.

2. Regarding George and Izzie, their secret will stay hidden from Callie for at least a few more weeks, though she knows something's not right.

3. Cristina and Burke really are going to make it to the altar in the season finale, and the wedding will be everything Cristina did not want, including the big dress, having bridesmaids, and writing her own vows.

4. In a few weeks, the interns will take the biggest test of their careers, their first-year medical exams

Heroes:

1. Mastermind Tim Kring says that for season two, "There are plans to add one new, one big character next season." The character is female—to even out the gender ranks a wee bit. Tim also said that those Heroes who remain are likely to stick around, 'cause he's changed his m.o. "I thought Heroes was going to have an ever-shifting cast," he says, "but the cast hit in such big ways that now the challenge is to figure out how to use them all and still fold in a couple of new people, because I still think that the origin stories are the most fascinating, in some ways."

2. Regarding Nathan becoming president, sources are saying that visions from the future are not always as they seem.

3. Thrown five years in the future, Hiro and Ando discover that people with extraordinary abilities are not only widely known about -- after the destruction of New York City and the deaths of millions -- but are being registered, imprisoned, hunted and even killed as "terrorists." As the President takes his first step towards a "final solution," the pair get swept up in what could be the "Heroes" final battle and encounter a range of new and darkly familiar faces.

Lost:

1. There's a lot going on as far as that mysterious visitor from last week. She is a major twist to the plot. Supposedly, there will be a shocking moment when she tells Hurley the fate of the real (wtf?!) Oceanic Flight 815.

2. We'll definitely see more of Sawyer and Sayid working together. Plus, sounds like Penny's dad, Charles Widmore, may be seen again.

3. There will be a showdown in the season finale. Yhe beach occupants divide into two camps: one run by Jack and the other Sawyer or Locke. It seems that Jack will definately be facing off against one of them. The survivors will also have another showdown with the Others and the origins of the Dharma Initiative will be explained.

Desperate Housewives:

1. Susan will marry Mike, and Gaby is rushing into a big wedding extravaganza with just-elected mayor Victor. But all, unfortunately, is not well on Wisteria Lane: Lynette (and not Susan as previously believed) finds out she has cancer and Mike's shady brother Terry moves in, which opens the door to a new mystery to solve in 2007-08. Bree fans will be happy to know that the hostess extraordinaire will be back for the season finale on May 20.

2. It seems that Ms. McClusky came home from vacation and found her husband dead on the couch. Since it was 2am, she decided to wait until morning. However, when she looked through his desk, she found that she was not named beneficiary of his estate, but his first wife. So instead, she stuffed him in the freezer so that she can keep the money.

Power Plays

It seems that anyone and everyone who matters on Wisteria Lane is reading The Fairview Herald. In episodes past, the previously unheralded community paper was an occasional Housewives guest star. But tonight it became public enemy number one, derailing a mayoral campaign by publishing shots of Gaby and Lang hooking up in an elevator during a blackout and throwing another wrench into the tense Scavo marriage with an article about the menu triumph of chef (and Lynette crush object) Rick.

The way I see it, McClusky's getting her own major story line is tantamount to the seeing an episode of The West Wing focused on Mrs. Landingham, or Star Wars: Episode VII — Lando Calrissian. In other words, I don't understand why DH's fabulous tabloid-staple actresses are relegated to somewhat simple romantic plots, while their curmudgeonly neighbor gets the juiciest arc. This exacerbates my biggest frustration with this show — too many characters. It's something that's been discussed by Greg Kirschling over at the Grey's Anatomy Watch, and it certainly applies to DH. During season 1, we got great material from the Zach-Dana, Paul-Huber, and Mike-jail sagas, yet the emphasis was always on how these secondary characters' actions affected the lives of the four main players — Bree, Susan, Gaby, and Lynette. I can't see how McClusky's frozen hubby and stairwell trauma is going to affect anyone other than Lynette — and only because she's out a babysitter. Meanwhile, the pizza-place chef is cute but too bland to register as anything more intriguing than "random plot-filler guy." Even Tom, season 1's mysterious yuppie, has evolved into a leading man, with his thrown-out back and illegitimate kid. I think, let's get rid of Ian, relegate the elderly codgers to their original guest-star status, stop treating Edie and Carlos like the resident power couple, and get the spotlight back on our four girls! PLease throw in a worthy mystery while you're at it.

With that said, the three housewives not on bed rest (Edie was in the sack for so much of this episode that I won't even include her) underwent some major character development tonight. The simple act of letting down her hair meant that Lynette was, finally, open to the possibility of cheating on her whining brat of a husband and forgetting her equally obnoxious kids for a moment. Gabrielle rose above Lang's increasing creepiness to admit that her divorce from Carlos "kicked her ass" — a genuine departure from the hard-nosed bitch of gardener-affairs past. But then she made carb-heavy waffles, rejected a marriage proposal from a wealthy man, and actually giggled. Giggled! I understand that the show's writers want to transition Gaby from hell on wheels to soft, gentle soul. But the warp speed at which this evolution is happening — and the total romantic mismatch with Lang — just renders her cheesy and one-dimensional. Remember the Gaby who made out with her handyman at Lang's speech? We miss her.

This episode absolutely rocked in one respect: the return of Susan Mayer. Our fave skinny ditz got a clue, got a backbone, and dumped both beaux. The endearing thing about Susan was always her ability to be a total klutz, as well as a working professional, a mother, and the glue that kept her circle of friends together. But lately, she's just been a ditz whose entire life centers on filling time between sweeps months, what with this whole Ian-Mike debate. Tonight, a fairy godmother in the form of Roz from Frasier compared Ian and Mike to two different wedding cakes, and the inadvertent analogy made Susan realize — at long last — that she had to choose. She also learned of the boys' poker bet and grew the world's biggest spine, kicking them both out. The image of a ringless Susan standing in her kitchen was a welcome return to the strong, independent single mom of seasons past.

Like Mike, Tom was also jealous of another man — the formerly drug-addicted sous chef — and turned so green that he refused to change the pizzeria's menu, despite the promise of thousands in added revenue. The Scavos' lengthy screaming match over this issue is symbolic of everything that's wrong with their relationship. In the past, they were a bickering but ultimately loving high-powered partnership. But now the "partner" aspect is gone, and they're just two former corporate types angrily squabbling over petty garbage and making me wonder why on earth they're still together. Simply because I rarely feel any passion or togetherness from the Scavos, I'm going to cheat on my favorite couple and start rooting for the new chef.

Meanwhile, Edie and Carlos went at it in beds all across town. It was kinda wrong of them to have sex in a young boy's race-car bed, but the way things have been going lately between Edie and her beer-pouring son, I was just glad the mattress wasn't Travers'. Edie too has fallen victim to Gaby's "bad girl gone good"' curse. I know the writers are just trying to switch it up and keep things fresh, but with Edie dormant, so much spice just fizzles.

In the end, the episode's plot was moved along most not by the characters — as it should have been — but by a Fairview power outage. And even though she didn't say it, Susan was probably thinking what I was thinking — that while Ian just sat at the kitchen table like a lump and watched her play with fire, Mike would have ravished her.

Well, let's hope things improve and the show gets itself back on track, which I'm certain they can do.

Passionate Moves

Did anyone notice the desperate attempt to squeeze in as much T&A as possible — which in Cherry World means gratuitous shots of Teri Hatcher's thighs and Eva Longoria rocking tight tracksuits? Honestly the show is starting to concern me. It still is good but not as great as earlier this season. Where's the mystery? Where's Gaby's hilarious zingers?

We kicked off with Mary Alice discussing the lonely people of this world and their propensity to do things like argue with the television. Anyway. To Edie's place, where Edie and Carlos, despite mutual passion, have just had the Worst. Sex. Ever. As they both made up their minds to never again see each other naked, we suspected they'd be capping off the episode with amazingly hot sex on some uncomfortable piece of furniture. And we were right.

Tom officially won the Uniform War, as the strangely acquiescent Lynette strolled around in her hideous traffic cone of a T-shirt. Way to be a doormat, Lyn. Tom was lying on some twin bed in the living room, obsessing over how Scavo's was going to find an assistant manager well qualified enough to, um, stop Andrew from coupling with the beer-delivery guy during work hours. Maybe no one with a decent résumé wants to wear a fluorescent orange shirt all day — something which didn't occur to the suddenly whiny, adolescent Tom. Then along came a former cocaine addict to save the day. In the old days, wouldn't it have been Lynette who was terrified about having an ex-druggie around her family, and Tom who would have been telling her to lighten up? This story does show promise since there are rumors Lynette may stray.

Over at Edie's, there was some massively uncomfortable sex talk between mother and son after he'd poured her breakfast beer. ("I tipped the glass just like you told me to." Loved that.) After he reported overhearing Carlos say that she was "bad in bed," Edie inexplicably felt the need to justify her sexual prowess to her young child while giving a G-rated explanation for the phrase. ("No one 'makes a bed' as good as your mommy.") After he topped off her breakfast, we were on to a standard-issue Farmers' Market, U.S.A. On the drive home, Susan swerved to avoid hitting a deer (at this point, it would be cliché of me to use the word cliché) and drove her SUV into a lake.

Susan and Ian then briefly suspended all of this show's credibility by quickly escaping from their submerged car in mere minutes, with nary a scratch. It was here, in this tiny, still duck pond, that Ian revealed he could not swim, even though he had attended summer camp. They were practically in a kiddie pool but both thought they were going to die. Then Susan saw someone on the shore, a whopping ten feet away. Shocker, it was a beautifully muscled Delfino. Who removed his shirt in sexy slow motion, oops, that was my imagination, but didn't he look so HOT. Anyway, he jumped in and power-paddled like Susan was dying, even though she was still holding onto that large floating SUV. Mike dragged a totally emasculated Ian to safety, and hope slipped away for the whimpering Brit.

At Gabrielle's house, skinny soul mates Susan, Gaby, and Edie nibbled tortilla chips while trying to figure out how to get Lang to call Gaby now that she had slept with him and lost the upper hand. By making out with her handyman in the front row at Lang's mayoral debate, she got him jealous enough that he stormed over with a bouquet and professed a stalkerlike love for her. Predictably, she swooned.

Meanwhile, midnight snacker Susan was being called a "cheddar-breathed tease" by her British beloved. Later, she was busy making overtures of her own — but a totally rattled and envious Ian was having none of it. She ended up hoofing it to Mike's with a thank-you present for, um, saving her life. It was an electronic juicer (ok!), and I guess Mike really needed one, because he was so grateful he gave her a big ol' smooch. It must have been good because by the time she got back to her house, she was still touching her lips. And of course, there was Ian, ready to kiss and make up.

We end tonight with a little scorecard. After weeks of playing games, Gabrielle and Lang finally have passion. Susan has passion with both Ian and Mike. Edie and Carlos finally, finally made good on their passion. And since Lynette wouldn't service her husband and he couldn't bow at the waist, the Scavos, once again, have no passion.

Spoilers Time!

Heroes:

1. Tawny Cypress, who plays Simone, is not off the show for good. Far from it! Even though she was "killed," Simone is coming back, along with her father (Peter's patient), in the season finale. It turns out she has abilities of her own, and as a source put it, "There are people on the positive and negative side. And Simone is on the negative side." According to another source, "[Simone and her father] may have some ties to some other characters that we had no idea about before."

2. Episode 21 is all about Sylar. According to creator Tim Kring, "We learn about his home life and where he came from, and after that episode, your opinion of him may change."

Lost:

1. Not much revealed. One thing though, it's finally getting to be Lord of the Flies time and it's going to be good.

Entourage:

1. Busy Philipps from Dawson's Creek shows up next week to give Turtle a little lovin’, but ultimately, they just aren’t compatible. However, Turtle does land a steady lady this season!

2. Ari does ultimately wins the war over Vince but Carla won't go away that quickly. The boys are happy with her...for the time being. As for Ari, you see a kinder, gentler side of him next week. For all his abuse directed at Lloyd, he actually does care about him, and there is a line he won’t cross. Even if it means losing major business.

Brothers & Sisters:

1. There definitely is an engagement in the family before the end of the season. So, here's hoping it's Kitty and the Senator! Rob Lowe states that he will be on the show until the end of the year. And then we'll just have to see what happens with Senator McCallister. We're going to watch the presidential candidate hit the campaign trail, of course. He's going to be courting the press, kissing babies and visiting wounded war vets.

Desperate Housewives:

1. Edie's got her heart set on Carlos and continues to scheme for him at least through the end of the season, if not longer.

Wardrobe Malfunctions

I just realized that my last Desperate Housewives summary was way back on March 5th! I can't believe it's been that long. I was really happy to have the girls finally back last night. We kicked off with a great shot of Susan slapping Ian in his sleep as Mary Alice talked about indestructible love. This is where we saw the great difference between Mike, who once sweet-talked Susan even though she'd just fed him raw pancakes, and Ian, who rubbed his face like a baby when she accidentally blasted a wine cork at his eye. He has to put up with her klutziness and she has to deal with his terribly cliché British parents, Graham and Dahlia. In short order, Graham awesomely described the outdoor barbecue as "gloriously primal," and Susan hilariously set Dahlia's shirt on fire and outed herself as a divorcee, making Ian's superrich parents nervous about their son's lack of a prenup. Season 1 gave us murders, adultery, and crazy stolen children. Now all we get is a financial dispute?

Meanwhile, it's official: Ex-husband-stealing, I-redefine-the-word-"tramp" Edie is back. "You should never buy lingerie when you're horny," she said. "It's like buying groceries when you're hungry." Apparently she's itching for one Carlos Solis, which is so going to rankle her neighbor Gabrielle — especially since Gaby has to put up with all kinds of awkward sexual innuendo from the guy who wanted to tinkle on Carrie Bradshaw. Here's why I don't believe this romance: There's no chemistry between Eva Longoria and John Slattery, and Gaby would never, ever turn down a loaded, politically powerful guy willing to give his girl a shopping allowance.

Over at Casa de Britt, Edie used her spawn (who's clearly going to need Mike's therapist one day) to bait Carlos into making a booty call; she then called her son "champ," handed him a cookie, and told him he'd be having an early night tomorrow. Classic. I'm really glad that this episode allowed Edie to finally shine and stand on her own. Meanwhile, down the street, Ian's dad tried on his future daughter-in-law's robe and sexy lingerie — in other words, the things she wears while seducing his own son. Ew.

Just when I started to worry that this episode was fading fast, the First Couple of Pizza stepped up to the plate with Uniformgate. Tonight, the Scavos — who, taking into account their incessant bickering and low-key sex life, practically define "indestructible love" — went to the mattresses over the pizzeria's morale-killing, Cheez Doodle-orange uniforms. Lynette's employee roundtable was priceless ("Right now, we're talking about these ugly-ass uniforms!"), but why are we spending all this time dealing with such trivial drama? Remember the days when something life-defining (illegitimate kids, job loss) actually happened to the Scavos? And I'm not counting Tom's thrown-out back or Lynette's nervousness about assuming full responsibility at the restaurant. This woman used to be a top advertising exec, right? Shouldn't she be able to take the heat?

At last, we got a few poignant moments. Mike, who has been lounging around all traumatized on his therapist's sofa, remembered a funny scene about a woman feeding a man pancakes. He thought it was from some chick flick starring Sandra or Julia, but when he later went to check with Susan, he learned that it wasn't a movie at all — it was her botched attempt at cooking him breakfast on their first morning after. With any other couple, a woman's attempt to spell her lover's name in runny pancake batter would be cringe inducing, but every week, these two manage to overcome the snobby British fiancé and that whole amnesia deal to remain a truly affecting pair. I've generally never been particularly engrossed in Susan's love life, but with each episode I'm getting more excited about her and Mike's reconciliation (likely to come during sweeps). After her flapjack reveal, Mike quit therapy, too lovesick to want to remember anything else about his time with Susan.

After Carlos gave Edie an angry reality check ("You nailed me," she cracked, but "maybe not the way I wanted you to"), she finally got a chance to give him a show, stripping while she went on and on about her tough public persona and how she wants someone to see the "real" her. Wait, I thought she just wanted to get laid. I can't tell if this speech was genuine, but after all the drama with jail and the housekeeper-cum-surrogate, Carlos is due for some good lovin'.

One thing bugging me: What happened to the mysteries on this show?

The Guys of Wisteria Lane

This week we got a visit from everyone's favorite Desperate Housewives dinosaur: Rex! Having swiped voice-over duties from Mary Alice, Mr. Van De Kamp was on hand to let us know just how depressed women and men are, in every suburb, all around the world. I found Rex's candor a welcome respite from Mary Alice, and I appreciated the focus on the men this week, but the episode still was a little flat. Lynette and Tom are the MVP Couple of History but still have major problems; Gaby gets pursued by some hyper-zealous dude; Julie is a nice and innocent girl; Ian's presence is utterly painful no matter what's going on. I just feel like it's all stuff we've seen before. The episode was basically a pit stop between the quite remarkable previous one and the few more to come (but not until April 1!).

One part I did really enjoy was the scene in the jewelry store with Mike and Susan. It would have been easy for that whole moment to feel clichéd, but it didn't. Compared with how stilted and pseudo-formal things get when Ian's around, Susan and Mike seemed comfortable and at ease, even with the high-stakes game of Whose Ring Do You Want, Susan? happening on the counter. I thought it was sweet, and I was glad there wasn't some grand Susan klutz moment involving Mike's ring. Next to Ian's clunky, oversize rock, Mike's was "perfect." I wasn't able to tell if Ian actually did win the last poker hand against Mike or if he'd just drawn a few "knaves" again and was putting on a brave face for Susan so he could try to enjoy the rest of the night. Either way, I'm glad Mike is a more formidable presence in the story at this point.

"Fish 'n' Chips," Carlos' apt nickname for Ian, was the line of the night for me. Whenever Carlos gets a lot of scenes, he steals the show. His interactions with "crzydncr206" were campy in the good way. And his heart-to-heart with Edie was probably the most poignant scene of the evening, just because her motherhood (or actually, anything that delves much deeper than the surface of her character) hasn't been discussed before. I'm not sure Carlos and Edie should pair up romantically, but I'm all about the increased closeness. Travers is pretty cute, too. Maybe he and Edie can get matching Uggs and sell houses together.

It appears that Austin and his eerily sculpted hair are dunzo for the season, because Danielle is pregnant and no way will Orson and Bree-over-the-phone let that fly without some major relocations. Is Danielle really going to ship out and have this baby? Would Bree really allow her grandchild be raised by strangers? What if they didn't set the table correctly? It's all very far-fetched, as was the notion that viewers would care about Austin's reconciliation with Julie. I wasn't rooting for them in the first place — why would I after all the cheating? Though I do have to give props to the show for setting a scene within a car wash. Those are the best! I love putting the car in neutral, then zoning out to watch magic occur, which it seemed like the hilariously stoner-faced Julie was about to do before Austin muscled his way into shotgun. And Austin's shower of hot wax fit nicely with the next line uttered: Andrew asking Danielle, "How long does it take to pluck that unibrow?" Andrew just rocks in general.

The best part about this new Victor Land guy is that Gaby got to say, "Check, please!" in an appropriate context. Oh, and that part about there being "no place harder to get into" was good, too. But on the whole, their rapport didn't work. Gaby was clearly running the show, and the politician didn't come off as confident as he kept insisting he was. He actually comes off kind of creepy. He'll stick around for a bit, just to escalate the Gaby-Carlos tension before the reunion we all know is coming. I hope!

Let's not forget Lynette and Tom, since Rex clearly hasn't. Despite what Rex said at the end about Tom being a "lucky SOB whose dreams have all come true," and even though Tom really did look like he couldn't stop smiling, there's something consistently unsettling deep within his and Lynette's relationship. But I dig it, because it's realistic. They keep stressing over the same major, likely unsolvable problem regarding their power dynamic, and yet they're still the happiest couple on the show. I liked the way Rex pointed that out. I couldn't tell if he knew better or not, but maybe that's the point. Wisteria Lane revolves around surface impressions, after all.

How great was it that Rex called Tom a "silly bastard"' for opening a pizza place? And said he was glad he was dead considering how his kids turned out? Oh, Rex. We miss you. Return!

Rape and Wheelbarrows

Judging from the previews for next week, Bree's stunt double is about to take a nasty fall from about two flights up. I guess this is how they will keep Bree confined to a bed since the very preggers Marcia Cross has been put on bed rest until the end of the season. I feel she's generally necessary to make the show both dark and funny at the same time so I feel she will be a missed presence.

It's okay, though, because this week Bree socked Alma right in the face after Alma drugged and raped her husband. This, combined with Bree's request of Andrew to head on over right away, and "bring the wheelbarrow," plus whatever she'll say next week, should probably be enough of a Bree fix to keep us going during her hiatus. I do wish we'd gotten to see the actual wheeling of Orson, especially because it would have given Andrew something to do other than gape at various electronic devices. The wheelbarrow reference also recalled a tiny scene from season 1, when a neighbor who envied Bree's immaculate yard dumped a dead jogger onto her property using a wheelbarrow. But we do not want Orson to die. Or, for that matter, get raped.

About that. How hilarious is that Alma "raped" Orson with some Viagra. Alma is already crazy and quirky and she definitely lightened the situation by wearing that impossibly cute red thingy and mouthing the words to "Let's Misbehave." I'm sure Alma will either become pregnant or at least fake it for the sake of the plot.

Gaby wasn't into the action she got from singer-songwriter Zach Young, either. Is it me or does this kid give off such a creepy vibe? It's becoming his trademark print. I wonder how Gaby feels about it. Although she's too busy telling herself she needs to be close friends with an 18-year-old because they have more in common than they think. They do love spending money, but they do share the fact that "we're both adrift." I think this should be interesting as Zach truly seems to be obsessed with her, especially after seeing next week's clip.

Susan showed as much nerve as Alma and Zach when she pimped out Gaby to get Zach to bail Mike out from jail. The way Susan reasoned with Gaby was very snarky: "Let's not pretend we're above teenagers." Touché, Susan. It worked: Mike rolled up to his house in his 2007 Nissan Spaceship, straight from jail. There was an awkward let's-not-acknowledge-we're-related scene between Mike and Zach. Zach then went to visit Paul in jail as a favor to Mike. You know, I totally forgot about Jane, Ian's wife. I completely get why Ian gets so upset when Susan sees or even mentions Mike. It turns out Jane had cheated on him before going into her coma. Susan understood this and told Mike he can no longer see him. As if that will ever happen.

I'm not sure how I feel about seeing Paul Young reintroduce the whole Felicia Tilman "murder" case at this point. Zach is creepy enough to make for a good Gaby subplot right now, but Paul isn't really doing it for me anymore. I thought he and, especially, Felicia had made excellent exits back in season 2. I love thinking of Felicia, far away in her wooden-fabulous abode, staring at the empty space that used to be beautiful fingers, and smiling with only one edge of her sneaky little mouth. Okay, maybe I do want to see her again. I just thought the way that all played out was the perfect way to end her story line, and I'm not sure why they insist on reviving it.

Like Tom, I love it when Lynette is ruthless. Only she could pull off faking that a bullet was still lodged in her arm ("Too close to what?" "Everything."') in order to skip work after eight weeks of paid leave. Thanks to Kayla, Lynette's boss Ed caught up with her at the street fair, fired her, hired her, then, in my second favorite moment of the night, took a slice of pizza from her serving tray. Ha! But Lynette's not going back to advertising. She's the new manager at Scavo Pizzeria. She and Tom cooked pizzas joyfully and kissed a lot after making the decision, which made me feel all velvety inside, but you know having these two work together will be nightmarish on all levels. Lynette won't be able to handle Tom's thinking he's in charge; Tom will make all sorts of idiotic yet crucial mistakes; Lynette will get mad that the waitresses have breasts, etc.

I'm psyched about the restaurant setting, though. Think about it: annoying customers, Andrew Van De Kamp slacking off on the job, hungry housewives, and — best of all — pizza! There were already some great food-porn shots tonight — my fave was the Canadian-bacon pie Tom made that had a significant section of crust sticking straight up. Yummm.

So, will Alma become pregnant? Should Gaby watch out for Zack? And where are those mystery teeth?

The Housewives Are Back Too!

Welcome back to Wisteria Lane! Where the morals are good and strong and the friendships are enduring. Well, at least according to what Alma Hodge offered to Edie as her first impressions of her new hood. Finally the girls are back after a long hiatus. The last update was Novembe 27th! Anyway, who is else loves the addition of Alma to the show? She is so sweet but in a creepy, psychotic kind of way.

I loved the way Alma provided the voice-over to the closing shots last night instead of Mary Alice — Alma's ironic naïveté showed how sneaky she can be, and offered some relief from the singsong platitudes we usually get in Mary Alice's wrap-ups. And in another switcheroo, we learned that Alma left Orson not because he was a control freak about hand towels and she felt trapped but because she realized he was having an affair and she desperately wanted to matter to him. I liked that this episode began exactly as the season premiere did, but with a different context due to all we've observed about Orson's character since then.

Alma arrived just in time to heighten the level of Bree and Susan's fight from "tense" to "Susan's gonna get her house burned down again." Susan decided to "drop a dime" on Orson by informing Detective Ridley about his affair with Monique. I guess ratting Orson out wasn't too cool of Susan. But neither was throwing a fancy dinner party with the sole intention of humiliating a good friend, Bree. And Susan's info was kind of essential to the case. In the end, Bree threw Susan out of her house and declared their friendship over.

Susan and Bree's daughters will get into their own feud as soon as Julie finds out that Danielle, a.k.a. Little Miss Van De Tramp has been embracing her inner ho-ness by shacking up with the increasingly hot Austin. I should have guessed this twist based purely on how odd it was for Danielle to say anything wise or worthwhile ("Hold on to your virginity" and so on) in that fabulous kids-only scene. How priceless was Andrew telling the girls that Austin is definately straight, especially after 3 beers. Julie did end up losing it to Austin, because apparently there are no other possible stepping-stones between kissing and intercourse, and all of this must be done outdoors.

Speaking of misbehaving daughters and ice cream, Kayla, the latest addition to Lynette's brood, is a total brat. Luckily for her, she'll fit right in with the rest of the kids. But poor Lynette. We all know she doesn't want any of her children. How much more can she take? Lynette and Kayla's restaurant scene was cringe-worthy at nearly every moment, very well played. And that thing with the doll? Tears, I tell you. Kayla does win points for creativity, though. Stuffing chili into a doll's arm sockets is pretty advanced. What Kayla did was a blatant personal attack.

I really liked what the writers did with Gaby's new boyfriend's character, Bill. The guy is very good looking although very boring. The point made last night was that it was impossible to like the two of them together. A picnic, a documentary film, and charity? Oh hell to the no! Now that Gaby and Carlos finally aren't screaming and throwing things at each other all the time, it's easier to see how their romance must have begun in the first place. They flirt deliciously, and they seem to just effortlessly get each other. Carlos' ability to name four types of flowers — let alone what they'd mean to Gaby — was completely awwww-worthy. I'm sure these two will get back together at some point, but right now they make excellent pals.

So, what did you think? Will Mike and Paul Young (!) start their own prison gang? Is there any way Andrew and I can become friends immediately? Where was Mama Hodge this week? And what really happened to Monique Pollier?

Holiday Cheer on Housewives

It's a good thing Desperate Housewives beat us all to the punch and pulled out the Christmas decorations last night, because there won't be another new episode until 2007! So I hope you enjoyed it last night because that's it for new 2006 episodes.

Not to worry. Mistletoe, check! Bad Santa, check! Elf in a wheelchair who dies because the neighborhood thought her brother was a pedophile, check! All the staples of the holidays were accounted for, nestled amongst the dusty religious figures in Edie's hilariously labeled box of "Winter Crap." I loved how awesomely, absurdly lavish that block party was.

Last night's drama peaked when Art, Wisteria Lane's creepy swim-coach neighbor, confronted Lynette with what was almost definitely a real confession of his child-molesting predilection. Of course, it's possible Art just wanted to torture Lynette in return for indirectly offing his sister and forcing him to leave, but that'd be a very unwise move on his part. I thought what happened was a reasonable and unexpected wrap-up to a tough subplot. Art's confession was slow and chilling, and his departure will give Lynette some serious emotional baggage to deal with. His thinly veiled threats against "that beautiful family" of Lynette's was so freaky.

Last night we got a glimpse of Orson as a possibly not-so-bad guy when he confided in Bree about his marriage with Alma and his issues with his mother. I loved the combination of Orson's snippets of dialogue and shots of Susan rifling through Orson's "Spare Room" box (conveniently stored right where she was forced to hide in his office). I'd also like to personally thank whoever decided that said box should not topple onto Susan's head, in typical Susan's-physical-comedy-disasters form.

Orson said that he married a pregnant Alma at his mother's urgings but never loved his wife. He didn't tell Bree about his affair with Monique (the first woman he truly loved) because he knew Rex had cheated on Bree and Orson wanted Bree to feel safe with him. Meanwhile, Susan uncovered Orson's eighth-grade report card from a private boys' school and documentation of his institutionalization at age 17, for psychological depression. She found that file right as Orson told Bree, "You don't know how manipulative [his mother, Gloria] can be," so I'm guessing Gloria had Orson committed against his will and has been obsessed with controlling him ever since.

Plus, big news: Alma's alive, and looks to be plotting against Orson with Gloria. She only had one line, but it was basically ''shut up and get in the car,'' so I'm interested in just why and how this little Southern-drawling spitfire gets to push Dixie Carter around.

The rest of the ladies worked through different levels of boy trouble. Edie certainly suffered the least, dumping Mike as soon as he landed himself in jail (as the suspected murderer of Monique) with a million-dollar bail. As Mike's ever-loyal friend/lover/companion/whatever, Susan had to jump in to help. This might have actually been kind of cute, but it was so hopeless that it ended up just seeming tragic. No way can poor Susan avoid Mike forever, even if that means Ian will hire him a good lawyer. She doesn't seem to have much of a choice at this point — just as she didn't have a choice in the matter of dinner with Ian's visiting parents. Since when does "I wondered if you might be free to join us for dinner" mean "Cook for us!" Gloria wasn't the only manipulative weasel up in this joint last night.

Same goes for Gaby, to an extent — the way she turned those little girls against each other was evil, but we're used to stunts like this from her in order to get what she wants. I have to say that I loved her storyline from last night and hope she has found a "normal" love interest this time.

So this is the last Housewives write up until 2007 so see you then!

More Fun on Wisteria Lane

We witnessed a bunch of sudden shifts on Wisteria Lane last night. Gaby found a way to do something productive while staying true to herself. Bree finally kicked Orson out after being told he'd cheated on Alma with Monique. Carlos made a seamless transition into the coveted role of Mike's best friend. For me, Gaby had the most compelling story line. As a beauty consultant for her friend Vern's new pageant-training business, Gaby initially was horrified by the plain-Jane runway show calling them a "petting zoo." Later, she accidentally endorsed bulimia and cigarettes to a group of preteens while reminiscing about her catwalk days. Gaby then surprised herself by starting to care. She then made an impassioned plea to the mothers to let her return and even hinted at the black-market diet pills she could score for them. They took her back and I hope they'll keep coming back, at least for a few more eps.

I also enjoyed Susan's new dilemma involving Ian's butler, Rupert, who doesn't like her one bit. Susan's new foe is certainly nasty, but I can't hate him because he made the storyline enjoyable. Ian contributed very little to this new development other than this big line: "If I can make room in my heart for both of you, I can certainly make room in my bureau." I am really enjoying this relationship since it's made Susan watchable again.

Lynette went into full-on warrior mode, barging into new neighbor Art's house and running downstairs to find his Neverland-esque playroom stripped bare, its contents donated to a children's hospital. Yes, Lynette was way out of line, but I think she had more than enough reason to panic when Parker, who idolizes "Mr. Protector Man," went missing. I just wish she'd have confronted Art about the photos sooner.

Seeing Tom, Carlos, and Mike chill out together was a welcome change. I loved it when Carlos whipped the chicken wing at the TV in disgust. A few weeks ago, Gaby hurled a lime at Susan, maybe they're the perfect couple after all. In any case, it should be amazing to see him interact heavily with Edie. Fairview's premier real estate agent got only a bit of face time this week when she showed a house to Bree, Orson, and his mom, Gloria. I want more Edie! With less Mike, if possible. It's not, because he got caught trying to bury his toolbox by the guy from the cop dude, which was fitting because Mike's been a zombie this whole season. He suddenly began soul-searching tonight, asking Carlos and Tom to tell him all about his personality.

Then there's Bree, who wised up and realized that Orson's undying love scares the hell out of her. It doesn't look like her decision to eject him will stick because in the scenes from next week, the couple seem to be together. So, is Art a pedophile or just an exceedingly dedicated swim coach? Who really killed Monique, and where is Alma? And how long will Gaby's new hobby last?

Back to Normal on Wisteria Lane

I didn't know how the show was going to follow last week's episode, which went out with a bang, but I think they did a pretty good job. My jaw completely dropped at the end. I figured that when Lynette headed into Art's house, she would uncover some kind of secret, but the whole pedophile angle blew me away. The P on his shirt totally has a double meaning now. I'm happy to see a new twist that has nothing to do with affairs or comas. Art seemed so genuine and decent. This just goes to show that you can never judge a book by its cover on Wisteria Lane. One thing though, why didn't Lynette call the cops? What will she do now?

We also saw more about Orson's painful past. I don't understand why he would ever disclose to Bree that his mother is at a nursing home not far from Fairview if he's so angry at her for God knows what. I'm guessing something having to do with suicide and perhaps Monique. He could've given Bree a fake address, but instead he opened up a can of worms. Did he have an alterior motive? At least it gave us a chance to see where he gets his bipolar-like behavior. His mom seemed sweet one minute, then the next she was telling Orson, ''I should have smothered you in your crib when I had the chance.'' I laughed out loud when Andrew followed her outburst with ''So, can we call her Grandma?''

Speaking of families dealing with drama, I'm glad we got to see the Scavo household react to last week's supermarket shootout. Plus, Lynette was especially funny when she kept saying, ''Or…wherever,'' when Tom said Auntie Nora was in heaven. I am wondering, though, where the hell was Kayla? Nora made it pretty clear right before she died that Tom and Lynette were to take care of her. Lynette said she told her kids that Kayla was staying with her grandmother; hopefully the little girl hasn't just been written out of the show.

For the first time in a while, I wasn't bored with Susan's scenes. I loved her fight with Julie, when she said she would ground her for getting hot and heavy with Austin. This exchange was great:

Julie: Fine, I'll just see him at school.
Susan: Well, then you won't go to school; I'll home-school you.
Julie: Right, you're going to teach me trig? You can't even balance your own checkbook.
Susan: Yes, and you will be poorly educated and you won't get into college and you will work for minimum wage for the rest of your life, all because of that boy. I hope you're happy.

We didn't get any Carlos in this episode, but we at least got Karl finally. They should give him more screen time, because whenever he's involved with anything, it's inevitably funny. Sometimes I wish it would've worked out with Susan and him. When they argue, it brings out a side of Susan we rarely see when she's with Ian or even Mike.

As for Mike, not only has he lost his memory, but he also has apparently lost his ability to smile. Seriously, I know he was in a coma, but it wouldn't hurt to not be so much of a Debbie Downer all the time. He only seems happy when he's around Edie. Maybe it's because she put provocative pictures of herself all around his house. I guess if the police had a warrant to search my home, I wouldn't be smiling either. It was interesting that Mrs. McClusky had the toolbox with the possibly incriminating wrench that the cops were looking for. How much does she know about the crime they're investigating?

One part of the episode that was a tad anticlimactic was Gabby's return to model land. I find it a little hard to believe that she not only was on the cover of Vogue but had also shot 36 covers by the time she was 20. Wouldn't she be somewhat famous if she had been so successful? Wouldn't she have had a drug problem, too? It was sad to watch Gaby's face as the camera zoomed in on her after her agent told her she was washed up. But the scenes of her modeling class in the preview for next week look promising.

Shots Fired On Housewives

The deaths continue on my favorite shows. However, on last night's Desperate Housewives, I was very happy to see one particular character bite the dust, Nora. Yes the annoying woman that was messing with poor Lynette is gone! I found her to be incredibly annoying. However, in that last instant she was alive I did feel for her when she said that ''Kayla was the only good thing that I've ever done in my whole life.'' Overall, this was a great episode that mixed gave us a perfect Housewives blend of comedy and drama. Nora's antics are over, there were no Mike cameos, and power mom Lynette is finally back in action!

The MVP of the episode was definitely Laurie Metcalf as Carolyn Bigsby. She believably embodied an over-the-edge wife who just found out her seemingly faithful husband cheated. And her witty remarks were priceless: ''Attention, shoppers, we're having a special today on not getting shot, but it's only available at the back of the store.'' I loved that she was wearing pearls while terrorizing a storeful of innocent bystanders. I never guessed, though, that Carolyn would be shot and killed, too, by a woman whose son was in her Sunday-school class.

As I stated earlier, power mom Lynette is back, and for once she wasn't fighting with Tom over pizza. She was actually fighting on Tom's behalf. I was really surprised when she offered to go after Nora for custody of Kayla when she discovered Nora wanted to take her to Tijuana. When he said he didn't know that Lynette wanted a fifth kid, she hilariously replied, ''I don't, and I didn't want the first four, but they're starting to grow on me.'' During the hostage crisis, Lynette really took charge. That was gutsy of her to yell, ''Maybe you deserved to be cheated on!'' at a woman holding a gun. You would think that after all the things Nora put Lynette and Tom through, a part of Lynette would be relieved to see Nora die, but her sorrow seemed genuine.

The whole situation also bought Gaby and Carlos back together, which I was glad to see. I did enjoy their hilarious fights, especially last night that involved shattered glass and the tearing down of walls. It was nice to see them end up having a heart-to-heart while at Bree's watching the situation unfold on TV. I found it great to see Bree turn a hostage situation into a social event. Her composure came crashing down, though, when she learned Mrs. Bigsby was the lunatic at the market. And after seeing the expression on her face when she heard that Lynette and Julie were being held hostage, I really felt for Bree and her guilt. Had she not told Mrs. Bigspy about her husband's affair with Monique, nothing would have happened.

Lynette also finally got over blaming herself for Mary Alice's suicide, but I think what Mary Alice said to Lynette during her dream — ''You can't prevent what you can't predict'' — is foreshadowing future episodes, specifically with the Orson-Mike-Monique msytery. We haven't heard anything about the whereabouts of Alma Hodge or the mysterious woman in the mental hospital from season 2 in a while. Do they have anything to do with each other? Did Alma really just leave Orson? After the way he's been caring for Bree and her children lately, I've been wondering if he's just tragically misunderstood and not really that evil after all. So he ran over Mike, maybe he had a really good reason to and no other choice.

Speaking of Mike, I'm glad he was left out of the episode. This left Edie more to do than just hang out in his room. Susan also seems to have gotten over him and moved on with Ian, which makes me glad. One last question, did Ian forget about his wife?

Another Good One For the Housewives

Last night's episode of Desperate Housewives kept the strong momentum going and improved over last week. We got to see more into Bree and Orson's family life and I actually started to get interested in Nora.

The main thing troubling Bree this week was her daughter Danielle's affair with her teacher. The dinner-table discussion about the affair brought out the hilarious best in everyone. Andrew made his usual funny comments; Orson offered his fatherly advice and Bree remained poised when Danielle chucked her plate at the wall (''Remind me to buy paper plates; we'll need them until a certain someone can be trusted with china again''). T his all lead up to Danielle's ''dramatic'' attempt at suicide. Suicide is not something Orson takes lightly, though. His out-of-nowhere blowup at Andrew in the hospital gave us some insight into his past. But who in his family committed suicide, and what does it have to do with his criminal personality? I also hope to find out what the connection is between Monique and Mike after the police discovered she had his phone number written on her hand.

Again the funniest moments of the episode belonged to Carlos and Gaby. After she caught Carlos with another woman, Gaby retaliated by inviting his nemesis Phil over for drinks and a jacuzzi. Then, when Carlos was in his room, she and Phil pushed her bed over against the wall and she started to jump on it while simulating sex. Thinking they are going to get it on, Phil keeps trying to join Gaby in the sack. She fends him off (''Beat it, Phil. No means no!'') while still pretending to get off (''Take me home, Philly! God, you should wear a saddle!''). Frustrated, Phil finally storms out, but an oblivious Gaby continues to bang the bedposts. Until Carlos sneaks into the room, taps her on the shoulder, and asks for her car keys. This was a typically hilarious Gaby moment. Then, they sort of reconcile and she tells him to bring her breakfast in the morning. He does just that and when he walks into her bedroom, he finds her in bed with another man. She asks them if it hurts enough now that he won't want to get back together.

Now Tom wants to open a pizza parlor. Lynette had her doubts but Nora convinces her to not let Tom open the restaurant because it will fail. Lynette does confront him and they have a fight. Then when Tom returns Kayla to Nora, Nora tells him that she thinks he is a great cook and that she has faith in him unlike Lynette. When she tucks Kayla into bed, she tells Nora how much she wishes her Dad could be there to it every night. To which Nora responds "I'm working on it baby". This whole storyline got interesting and I am excited to see where it goes.

One part of Housewives that is starting to get annoying is the whole Susan/Mike/Edie thing. The war over Mike is getting a little bit old. I've had enough of watching Edie endlessly trying to sabotage Susan. I did like the way Susan stood up for herself at the end, though, because it's rare that she shows any backbone. I think that Julie said it all when she told her mother to "Get over it." I think she spoke for the whole audience.

Looks like next week will be just as good...

Housewives Gets Good Again

So last night's episode of Desperate Housewives was the best so far this season. It was great. It had comedy, drama, and mystery, everything that makes the show great. The best thing had to be that Nora was completely left out of the episode!

So we learn that Mike woke up from his coma with memory loss, meaning he's missing two years of his life and thinks it's 2004. This turns out to be a good thing for Orson, but a bad thing for Susan. Edie was there when Mike awoke and she brainwashed him into thinking that Susan was a terrible person. It was very harsh of Edie but funny in an evil way. I did feel for poor Susan when she got treated so coldly by Mike when she finally arrived at the hospital. He ended up telling her to go and to maybe come back next week. What I didn't like about Susan is the way she treated poor Ian, who I feel is in love with her. It sucked the way she just blew him off and blamed not being there on him. We also saw Orson turn pale when he heard Mike had awoken from his coma, but we never got any clue as to what he planned to say to Mike when he visited him at the hospital.

It was also great to see that Lynette was back to her old ways, paying off the 8-year-old pitcher of the opposing team with a $50 bill so Parker would actually have a shot at hitting the ball. starts to think that Lynette is angry about Tom leaving advertising. Lynette eventually admits she's jealous he's chasing his dreams and she's stuck behind a desk. It was nice to see these two together again and back to their marital issues without Nora. Of course, the funniest moments of the show belonged to Gaby and Carlos. Carlos ended up moving back in because he could no longer afford paying for an apartment after paying Gaby so much in alimony. The funniest moment had to be when Lynette and Bree were at their home having coffee. Gaby accuses him of peeing in her shampoo. He tells her that if he'd done that, he wouldn't have done it to her shampoo, but to her mouthwash, soup, or coffee. When she goes back to the the table, none of them want to drink their coffee. That was hilarious!

Then, she locks him out of the house. He throws a chair through the window to get in and she calls the cops. When they arrive, they start to take Carlos' side and Gaby playfully hits them on the arm. It was so funny watching as they dragged poor Gaby into their car as Carlos watched. After he posts her bail, Gaby tells him she doesn't love him and hasn't for a very long time. Then she hits him where it hurts by telling him that she slept with John again. He then drags her out of the car and leaves her stranded on the highway. Something tells me though that Gaby really does have feelings for him still but is too proud to realize that she is.

On Bree's end, it turns out Andrew did a little prostitution while on the streets for money. At Danielle's history fair, he runs into one of his customers, a doctor who is a very respected citizen. She decides to tell the guy's wife. When she goes to tell her, the woman claims she was well aware of it, but didn't care to know any details. She then tells Bree a little secret of her own: Danielle is sleeping with her 35-year-old history teacher. Poor Bree. When she confronts Danielle, she storms out of the teacher loves her. Bree then just sits on the stairs and tells Andrew she's so tired of feeling like the worst mother who ever lived. I was shocked that Andrew actually comforted her. I'm really liking this nicer version of Andrew as opposed to the crazy one.

Let's hope next week is just as good.